CAMPAIGN

A Musical Play in Two Acts

Book

Samuel Warren Joseph

Music and Lyrics

Samuel Warren Joseph

Jon Detherage

Musical Arrangements

Jon Detherage

Revised: August 21, 2018

SET:

A political campaign headquarters. A number of desks, phones,

computers, etc. Several television sets are also on the stage.

Two banners are prominent:

MANN IS THE MAN and MANN FOR GOVERNOR

CAST:

STEVE MEYER - 30-45, Campaign Manager. He's handsome, smart,

sharp, with a jaded edge that hides his true sense of idealism.

BRENDA MALLOY - 25-35, Congressional Aide/Press Secretary.

Pretty, smart, feisty yet naïve about affairs of the heart.

IRV FRANK - 40-55, wizened features; he's a cynical, sarcastic,

funny realist.

GLENN MANN - 50-65, pompous, arrogant, yet a slick communicator.

The world revolves around him.

ELAINE MANN - 50-65, Glenn's wife. She's dignified, intelligent,

and yet sad inside.

GLADYS - 25-40, attractive, extremely perky, and not too bright

campaign worker.

MALCOLM PUFFINGTON - 50-65, Glenn's opponent for governor and like

Glenn, arrogant and full of himself.

DARLENE ROBINSON - 25-35, sexy, vivacious bimbo. Note: Darlene

will only be seen in the video sequences on television.

DEBATE MODERATOR - think either Jim Lehrer or Diane Sawyer. Note:

REPORTER #1

REPORTER #2

VARIOUS CAMPAIGN WORKERS/CHORUS

Note: The Campaign Workers, Reporters, and Debate Moderator can be

played by the same actors if necessary.

CAMPAIGN

Act I, Scene 1

Lights up. A political campaign headquarters. A number of

desks, phones, computers, etc..

Two banners are prominent:

MANN IS THE MAN

MANN FOR GOVERNOR

A huge picture of GLENN MANN is also prominent. Bumper

stickers with the two slogans are stuck all over the place.

WE'VE GOT A WINNER

THERE'S A MAN WHO'S OUR MAN HE'S THE MAN

THERE'S A GUY WHO'S NEVER LIED ON OUR SIDE

THERE'S A WAY LET ME SAY FOR A BETTER DAY

WE'VE GOT A WINNER

MANN YOU BET THAT HE CAN HE REALLY CAN

AND HE IS SMART, OH, SO SMART AND GOT A HEART

A FAMILY MAN WITH A PLAN AN AMERICAN

WE'VE GOT A WINNER

Steve checks his smart phone.

STEVE

Irv, Glenn was late for his

interview on W-R-O-N-G.

IRV

What happened?

STEVE

He went back to the hotel because

his socks didn’t match.

(SONG CONTINUES)

(Bridge)

HE IS TRULY QUITE STUPENDOUS

SENSATIONAL AND MARVELOUS

A HANDSOME BALL OF CHARISMA

SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST BORN WITH

THAT SPECIAL QUALITY

THE MAN WHO STANDS OUT AND VOTERS LOVE

IRV

I don’t get it. Who’s looking at

his socks?

STEVE

Irv, the clothes make the man. If

you’re wearing one sock that’s

black and one that’s white, what

does that say about you?

IRV

You’re Bi-sock-polar?

STEVE

Exactly.

(SONG CONTINUES)

THE AVERAGE JOE IN THE KNOW ON THE GO

CAN DEPEND THAT GLENN’S HIS FRIEND TILL THE END

HE WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT WITH ALL HIS MIGHT

WE’VE GOT A WINNER

GLADYS, a perky campaign worker comes over to Steve.

GLADYS

Steve, it says in the paper we're

15 points behind.

STEVE

I know.

GLADYS

The election is only three weeks

away.

STEVE

You have a wonderful grasp of the

obvious, Gladys.

Thinking he's paid her a compliment, she kisses him on the

cheek.

GLADYS

Thank you.

(SONG CONTINUES)

TAKE’S A STAND FOR THE LAND, HIS FELLOW MAN

LEADS THE FIGHT, DAY AND NIGHT, FOR OUR RIGHTS

THERE'S A WAY LET ME SAY FOR A BETTER DAY

WE'VE GOT A WINNER

GLENN

Certainly this election is about

issues. My opponent and I

fundamentally disagree about almost

everything, but it is also about

character, about the kind of leader

we want leading this great state.

(Bridge)

HE IS TRULY QUITE STUPENDOUS

SENSATIONAL AND MARVELOUS

A HANDSOME BALL OF CHARISMA

SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST BORN WITH

THAT SPECIAL QUALITY

THE MAN WHO STANDS OUT AND VOTERS LOVE

THERE'S A GUY WHO'S OUR GUY YOU ASK WHY

HE'S THE BEST PASSED THE TEST AND NEVER RESTS

HE'S THE ONE THE ONLY ONE HE'S OUR FAVORITE SON

WE'VE GOT A WINNER, WE'VE GOT A WINNER, WE'VE GOT A WINNER,

GONNA WIN!

Everyone gets back to work as Steve looks over a document.

STEVE

Irv, I like to think of myself as a

cynical optimist. I see the worst

and always hope for the best. But,

as Gladys pointed out, we are way

behind and running out of time.

IRV

Yeah, but remember they counted

Truman out and he came back. Give

em' hell, Harry.

STEVE

This campaign is hell.

IRV

Remember Truman.

STEVE

Irv, that was sixty years ago, and

that was Harry Truman.

(points to picture of

Glenn Mann)

We've got Glenn Mann.

IRV

Stevie, it warms my heart you

believe so much in the guy you're

working for.

STEVE

I'm a professional. I don't have

to believe in anything.

IRV

But you could be inspired.

STEVE

I could be. I have been.

(Looks at Mann's picture)

Not this time. This time it's

purely a job. I’m working for a

guy whose politics I like and whose

personality I hate.

IRV

I'll tell him you said that.

STEVE

I'm counting on it.

IRV

Going to your optimistic side, you

ever run a campaign before - this

far down - and pulled it out?

STEVE

Actually, twice. But they weren’t

quite as bad. Behind ten and eight

points.

IRV

But you still did it. Let’s hope

three times a charm.

Steve pours over some figures.

STEVE

Irv, do we have enough money for

the final media blitz?

IRV

I'm working on it.

STEVE

Work harder.

IRV

Yes, master.

STEVE

Irv, I'm not being very nice

lately, am I?

IRV

You mean you're not always surly

and obnoxious?

STEVE

You may not believe this, but I

once was voted most popular in my

senior class.

IRV

You're kidding?

STEVE

No. I rigged the election.

(BEAT; seriously)

I’m just a little burned out.

IRV

You know, you're harder on yourself

than anyone else.

STEVE

Goes with running a campaign. If

you win - it's because you had the

better guy - and if you lose, -

it’s because you blew the race.

IRV

Welcome to the real world, kid.

Just then GLENN MANN, seemingly sincere and sophisticated but

obviously self-important, enters stage left. BRENDA MALLOY,

late 20's, early 30's, intense, attractive, follows close

behind. The CAMPAIGN STAFF stop what they're doing and break

into WE'VE GOT A WINNER applauding Glenn who acknowledges

them.

(Campaign Workers)

MANN YOU BET HE CAN HE REALLY CAN

AND HE IS SMART, OH, SO SMART AND GOT A HEART

A FAMILY MAN WITH A PLAN AN AMERICAN

WE'VE GOT A WINNER

Glenn waves them off.

GLENN

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You all are doing a great job.

(MORE)

We're going to win this election

and it's all going to be because of

your dedication and hard work.

They go back to their various tasks. Glenn pulls Steve and

Irv aside.

GLENN (CONT’D)

I assume you saw the latest poll.

STEVE

I did.

GLENN

And...

STEVE

We're behind.

GLENN

Is that all you have to say?

STEVE

Aren't you glad I'm on top of

things?

Glenn motions for Brenda to join them.

GLENN

This is Brenda Malloy.

STEVE

Nice to meet you.

BRENDA

Nice to meet you.

They shake hands cordially.

GLENN

Brenda is on my congressional staff

back in Washington.

STEVE

I know.

GLENN

I thought maybe she could help out

in the campaign. We need all the

help we can get.

STEVE

Great.

GLENN (CONT'D)

GLENN

Good. She's the new Press

Secretary.

STEVE

(taken aback)

What happened to Yates?

GLENN

I fired him. He quit. I fired him

and he quit.

STEVE

Why?

GLENN

It doesn't matter.

STEVE

Yes, it matters.

GLENN

He told me I needed to watch what I

say.

STEVE

So? I tell you that everyday.

GLENN

(firmly)

He wasn't polite.

STEVE

He wasn't polite?

GLENN

You heard me.

STEVE

And if I may be so bold to ask,

have you ever been a press

secretary before?

BRENDA

No. But I worked on Congressman

Mann's last two elections.

STEVE

What did you do?

BRENDA

I wrote press releases.

STEVE

Have you ever tried to talk to

reporters with a camera pointing at

you and a microphone shoved in your

face?

BRENDA

No, but I can handle it.

STEVE

(to Glenn)

No offense Congressman, but I think

three weeks before the election we

need someone with more experience,

a seasoned pro.

GLENN

The decision's been made.

STEVE

But...

SHE'S MINE

(Glenn)

SHE'S MINE AND I'M PROUD TO SAY IT

SHE'S MINE AND I'M GONNA PROCLAIM IT

SHE'S MINE AND I SAY WITHOUT RESERVATIONS

THIS LADY HAS ALL THE RIGHT QUALIFICATIONS

SHE'S SO FINE IT'S QUITE CLEAR

THE RIGHT TIME IS RIGHT HERE

SHE'S THE LADY OF THE TIMES

AND I'M PROUD TO SAY SHE'S MINE

(Steve)

THE QUESTION IS WILL SHE CUT IT

EVEN WITH A SMOOTH AIR AND EASY SMILE

WITH HER INEXPERIENCE, CAN YOU TAKE A CHANCE

(Glenn)

YOU ASK ME WILL SHE MAKE IT

SHE'S NOT EASY TO UPSET AND RILE

SHE'S POISED AND POSSESSED

TO BE QUEEN OF THE DANCE

(Steve)

I DON'T LIKE HAVING SOMEONE NEW JAMMED DOWN MY THROAT

(Glenn)

I'M THE CANDIDATE, I’LL MAKE THE DECISIONS

(Steve)

IT'S HARD TO RUN A CAMPAIGN WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A VOTE

(Glenn)

DO YOUR JOB, THE WORD IS COOPERATION

(Steve)

YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE

(Glenn)

THE MISTAKE IS MINE TO MAKE,

SHE'S A RARE COMBINATION

SHE'S A BEAUTY WHO HAS BRAINS

SHE BRINGS STYLE AND INSPIRATION

TO OUR LAGGING CAMPAIGN

I KNOW HER VERY WELL

IT'S NOT DIFFICULT TO TELL

GIVEN A CHANCE, SHE'LL SHINE

AND I'M PROUD TO SAY SHE'S MINE

Steve is ready to explode. Irv pulls him aside.

IRV

I know you're about to quit. But

quitting in the middle is worse

than losing. Nobody will want to

hire you in the future. Besides,

if we get lucky and win, you'll

have your pick of campaigns.

Steve knows he's right. He turns to Glenn.

STEVE

You're the boss.

Glenn smiles smugly.

STEVE (CONT’D)

And I'm sure Mrs. Mann is in favor

of this decision.

GLENN

My wife backs this decision up

one hundred percent.

(To everyone)

I'll leave you all to get back to

work. I have a campaign stop in an

hour.

Glenn exits. Irv picks up the phone and makes a call and the

rest of the campaign workers get back to work.

BRENDA

Well, I guess we're going to be

working together.

STEVE

Which means some ground rules.

BRENDA

You don't like having your

authority challenged, do you?

STEVE

Some ground rules.

BRENDA

You're a control freak, I can tell.

STEVE

(ignoring her)

Number one...

BRENDA

One...

STEVE

Don't make any statement to the

press without clearing it with me

first.

BRENDA

Two...

STEVE

Two, if you don't know the answer

to a question, avoid answering it.

It's better to say, "I'll get back

to you" than say something stupid.

BRENDA

Number two, avoid being stupid.

Three?

STEVE

If they ask you a difficult

question, change the subject to

talk about something we want to

talk about.

BRENDA

Number three, be evasive. Is that

it?

STEVE

For right now.

10.

BRENDA

Well, let me address each one

individually. First, Congressman

Mann has given me complete autonomy

so I will talk to the press when I

think it is appropriate and I will

say what I think is appropriate.

Two, I am fully briefed on all of

Glenn Mann's positions, so the

likelihood of me saying something

stupid is remote. Three...the last

thing the electorate wants is

another slippery politician. I

will not be evasive. I will answer

any and all questions as clearly

and directly as I can.

STEVE

(in disbelief)

Where did he find you,...the Attila

the Hun charm school?

BRENDA

And finally, I will not tolerate

being verbally abused.

STEVE

Ah, all right, truce. No verbal

abuse meant.

BRENDA

Then what would you call that last

remark?

STEVE

A joke?

BRENDA

It wasn't funny.

STEVE

You know, there's this thing. It's

called a sense of humor.

BRENDA

I have a very good sense of humor.

There's many things I find funny.

STEVE

Absolutely. I was just about to

say the problem is that I don't

have a sense of humor.

11.

BRENDA

Let's move on, shall we?

STEVE

Fine.

BRENDA

As far as campaign strategy, it

seems to be changing day to day.

STEVE

You've got that right.

BRENDA

And may I ask why?

STEVE

Because we don't have one.

BRENDA

And why is that?

STEVE

Because Glenn Mann is quixotic,

impulsive, impetuous, distracted,

unrealistic, with an almost

pathological pattern of

vacillating.

BRENDA

What?

STEVE

Simply put, he can't make up his

damn mind and he won't let anybody

tell him what to do.

BRENDA

That's not the Glenn Mann I know.

The one I know is decisive and sure

of himself.

STEVE

He's all those things. He decided

a long time ago that he's sure of

everything...until he changes his

mind.

BRENDA

I think maybe I know him a little

better than you do.

STEVE

I'm sure you do.

12.

Steve goes back to his computer, but Brenda isn’t finished.

BRENDA

What about strategy?

STEVE

What about it?

BRENDA

I think we should emphasize the

Traditional Values theme more.

This is a conservative state.

STEVE

Anything else?

BRENDA

Puffington is spending his millions

on TV. We can't compete with him

financially. We need to focus on

our grass roots organization, and

use Facebook, Twitter, much more

than we have.

STEVE

Anything else?

BRENDA

Not right now.

STEVE

All right.

BRENDA

Aren't you going to say anything?

STEVE

Why? You seem to know everything.

BRENDA

I was hoping for a dialogue.

STEVE

No, you were hoping for agreement.

BRENDA

What do you think of my

suggestions?

STEVE

I think if you had done your

research as you claim, you'd

realize that we're already playing

up the Values issue.

(MORE)

13.

And the best way to spend our

remaining dollars is to try and buy

as much television time as we can.

As far as Twitter and Facebook,

there’s a word limit, so you

shouldn’t be able to do too much

damage.

BRENDA

I see we're going to get along

great.

STEVE

I know one way we can get along.

Go back to Washington. Irv, here

can be the new press secretary.

BRENDA

No way, Mister!

I'M HERE TO STAY

(Brenda)

I'M HERE TO STAY

THE WORLD IS BETTER FOR IT

I'LL MAKE MY WAY

AND NO ONE CAN IGNORE IT

(Steve)

YOU SAY WRONG WHEN YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT

YOU SAY BLACK WHEN IT'S OBVIOUSLY WHITE

(Brenda)

YOU'RE ONE TO TALK

LOOK WHERE WE ARE

WE'RE RUNNING BEHIND

MR. POLITICAL STAR

(Steve)

OH, THAT'S NICE YOU THINK YOU'RE SO CLEVER

LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE ABLE TO DELIVER

(Chorus; both)

I'M HERE TO STAY

DON'T FORGET IT

I'M GONNA HAVE MY WAY

MAY LIVE TO REGRET IT

SHE (HE'S) HERE TO STAY BUT SHE (HE) WON'T DRIVE ME INSANE

HERE TO STAY AND I WON'T COMPLAIN

MY GOD, I'M HERE TO STAY...OH, NO

STEVE (CONT'D)

14.

(Brenda)

YOU SAY I DON'T KNOW

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

BETTER OPEN YOUR EARS

SO I DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT

(Steve)

I'LL LISTEN IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

GENERALLY SPEAKING, STAY OUT OF MY WAY

(Brenda)

OH, PLEASE...

(Steve)

THERE HAS TO BE SOME BOUNDARIES

SO WE EACH KNOW OUR PLACE

YOU STAY OVER THERE

AND OUT OF MY FACE

(Brenda)

JUST TO BE HONEST

AND JUST TO BE FAIR

I'LL STAY OUT OF YOUR FACE

YOU STAY OUT OF MY HAIR

(Chorus)

I'M HERE TO STAY

DON'T FORGET IT

I'M GONNA HAVE MY WAY

MAY LIVE TO REGRET IT

SHE (HE'S) HERE TO STAY BUT SHE (HE) WON'T DRIVE ME INSANE

HERE TO STAY AND I WON'T COMPLAIN

MY GOD, I'M HERE TO STAY...OH, NO

I'M HERE, I'M HERE, HE'S HERE, SHE'S HERE,

WE'RE HERE...TO STAY!!

The CAMPAIGN WORKERS are getting noticeably UNCOMFORTABLE as

the argument and song between Brenda takes place. By the

time song has ended the STAGE has CLEARED except for Steve

and Brenda. Steve turns to say good night...

STEVE

Good night, everybody...

He sheepishly realizes there is nobody left to say goodbye

to.

BRENDA

I'm going to stay awhile. I'll

lock up.

15.

STEVE

You have a key?

BRENDA

(smiles)

Huh, huh.

Steve, annoyed, turns and head off stage right. Just then

Glenn enters stage right.

STEVE

Congressman, we need to discuss...

GLENN

(cutting him off)

Good night, Steve. Talk to you in

the morning.

STEVE

Good night.

Steve exits leaving Brenda and Glenn alone on stage.

BRENDA

How did the rally go?

GLENN

It was a dud, like this campaign.

I should never have run.

They meet center stage, KISS PASSIONATELY.

BRENDA

You're going to win. We can still

come back.

They kiss again.

GLENN

I just regret we have to sneak

around like this.

BRENDA

Me, too.

They kiss. Just then Steve reenters stage right and sees

them lip locked. Glenn and Brenda don't notice Steve as he

quietly picks up the briefcase he forgot and exits.

BLACK OUT.

Instrumental Reprise: I’M HERE TO STAY

16.

Act I, Scene 2

A press conference inside the campaign headquarters.

REPORTERS shoot out questions at Glenn and Brenda who stand

on a podium. To the side watching is ELAINE MANN, Glenn's

wife. She is in her late 40's, early 50’s an attractive

woman with dignity. Standing next to her are Steve and Irv.

REPORTER #1

So, Congressman, let me get this

straight. The reason you changed

your Press Secretary has nothing to

do with how poorly you are doing in

the polls?

GLENN

Absolutely not. And along with my

beautiful wife and partner, Elaine,

we’re confident that we're going to

win this election.

REPORTER #2

Then why?

GLENN

Well, you see...it's quite simple.

(pause)

And I'm going to let my new press

secretary, Brenda Malloy, answer

that.

BRENDA

The campaign is taking a new

direction.

REPORTER #3

And what's the new direction?

BRENDA

Uh, we're going to focus even more

on traditional family values...

and,...

GLENN

And...where Malcolm Puffington

intends to divide and conquer...

We intend to bring people...bring

us together.

The Campaign Workers APPLAUD and CHEER.

17.

GLENN (CONT'D)

Just last night, Elaine and I were

talking and she said that the most

important thing we can do is bring

people together, right honey?

Elaine forces a smile and waves. She is clearly not happy.

REPORTER #1

Ms. Malloy... Why did you take

this job?

BRENDA

Why? Because I think that Glenn

Mann is the best person to be the

next Governor of this state....

REPORTER #1

But...

BRENDA

...because he's a very special man,

no pun intended. He has certain

qualities...he inspires people, he

inspires me. I know that may seem

like a sound byte, but when I first

went to Washington to work on

Capitol Hill, I saw a lot of

phonies. Glenn Mann wasn't one of

them. He is a dedicated, hard

working Congressman, unlike his

opponent, Malcolm Puffington, who

has one of the worst attendance

records in the House of

Representatives.

REPORTER #2

And what about...

BRENDA

...Glenn Mann is for the working

people of this state. He intends

to do everything he can to make

sure they can make a decent wage to

support their families. He's for

affordable health insurance, and

locking up career criminals and

throwing away the key...and...

Glenn Mann, Glenn Mann...

The LIGHTS DIM and all the Reporters stand motionless. A

SPOT LIGHT shines on Brenda and a lesser light on Glenn,

Elaine and Steve.

18.

BRENDA SINGS her song to Glenn as if the song was her

thoughts and feelings and not the jargon she was spouting to

the Reporters. As Brenda sings, Elaine is clearly jealous.

Glenn enjoys the adulation and is oblivious to Elaine. Steve

watches this play out noticing in particular Elaine's

reaction.

I BELIEVE IN YOU

(Brenda)

LIKE A SUNSET TOUCHING THE SEA

A DAYDREAM THAT EASES THE SOUL

THESE ARE TOO RARE AND FEW

I BELIEVE IN YOU

LIKE A CHILDHOOD FAIRY TALE

TOLD FROM ANCIENT SCROLLS

WITH A STORY BOLD AND TRUE

I BELIEVE IN YOU

BY YOUR SIDE I COULD

FLY A MILLION MILES

ON THE WINGS OF YOUR SWEET SMILE

YOU MAKE ME FEEL I COULD

BE ALL MY DESIRES

WHEN YOU TELL ME CLIMB A LITTLE HIGHER

LIKE A QUIET STORM OF CRICKETS

CRYING IN THE COOL EVENING BREEZE

IT'S MUSIC BOTH OLD AND NEW

CAUSE I BELIEVE IN YOU

(Bridge)

I REMEMBER TIMES

LIFE WAS TOUGH TO BEAR

I SEARCHED BUT

NO ONE WAS THERE

THOSE LONELY TIMES

I FELT SO INSECURE

THEN I LOOKED UP

AND THERE YOU WERE

BY YOUR SIDE I COULD

FLY A MILLION MILES

ON THE WINGS OF YOUR SWEET SMILE

YOU MAKE ME FEEL I COULD

BE ALL MY DESIRES

WHEN YOU TELL ME CLIMB A LITTLE HIGHER

LIKE A SHOOTING STAR THAT’S

FLASHING THROUGH THE MOONLIT SKY

IT'S SO CLEAR, BRIGHT AND TRUE

CAUSE I BELIEVE, YES, I BELIEVE,

I BELIEVE IN YOU

19.

The songs ends and the LIGHTS COME UP and the Reporters come

to life. Brenda continues to answer as if the song never

happened.

BRENDA (CONT’D)

And furthermore, having served

first in this state's legislature

and now in our nation's Congress,

Glenn Mann has come home to run for

governor, and he will make a great

one.

REPORTER #1

But do you think he'll win?

BRENDA

Absolutely.

REPORTER #1

The latest poll...

BRENDA

The only poll that counts is on

election day. Thank you very much.

GLENN

Isn't she something else? Elaine

and I couldn't be happier now that

Brenda is on board. Thank you

everybody for coming.

The press conference breaks up and the REPORTERS EXIT leaving

only a few Campaign Workers and Glenn, Steve, Brenda, Irv and

Elaine on stage.

GLENN (CONT’D)

Well...that went well.

STEVE

I think the well is dry.

GLENN

What's that supposed to mean?

STEVE

Nothing.

GLENN

Look, if you're unhappy...

STEVE

I'm peachy.

20.

GLENN

Your sarcasm notwithstanding, you

can be replaced.

Steve is about to take him up on his offer when Irv

intervenes.

IRV

He could be, but then you'd lose

for sure.

(to Steve)

You'd both lose.

BRENDA

(breaking the tension)

I think we should discuss our

strategy for the remaining three

weeks.

By speaking, Elaine, who has been silent up till now, causes

everyone to take notice.

ELAINE

I think this campaign needs to find

its focus. We need to find one

positive theme and stick with that

the rest of the way.

STEVE

I couldn't agree more.

ELAINE

And we need to find one thing to

attack Puffington about and stick

with that the rest of the way.

BRENDA

I couldn't agree more.

STEVE

Puffington's been married three

times. We should nail him on the

values issue.

BRENDA

That's right. We have to show that

we have the real family man.

Elaine gives her a look that could kill. Brenda is

oblivious.

ELAINE

Yes, my husband is.

21.

STEVE

This election needs to be about

character...we need to make

Puffington's character the issue

here, his marriages, his huge

wealth and how he got it exploiting

third world countries. Speaking of

money...Irv, how we doing on the

money front. Do we have enough to

produce a new ad?

IRV

We do, barely, but I was able to

raise the money.

STEVE

Great. How?

IRV

I said to big labor, "Glenn Mann is

very sympathetic to your concerns

about the anti-strike breaker law.

I said to big business, "Glenn Mann

is very sympathetic to your

concerns that the unions are

getting out of hand. I told the

farmers that nothing was more

important to Glenn Mann than their

subsidies, even if it means cutting

education. I told the teacher's

union that Glenn Mann has education

as his number one priority.

And...most importantly, everyone

gets a tax cut, the average working

stiff all the way to big business.

GLENN

I can't possibly keep all those

promises. What am I going to tell

people when I'm elected?

STEVE

Say there's been a miscommunication.

IRV

Would you rather have me return the

money, Congressman?

GLENN

Uh, no. But we need to show how

Puffington's millions are

corrupting him.

22.

STEVE

A character issue.

GLENN

That's right.

STEVE

Money. The mother's milk of

politics.

GLENN

Emphasize character.

IRV

Puffington's worth four hundred

million dollars. Four hundred

million dollars can buy you a whole

lot of character.

Irv and the others sing:

MONEY TALKS

(Irv)

YOU GOT THE STYLE

YOU GOT THE DRIVE

YOU'RE NOT ABOUT

TO TAKE A DIVE

YOU'RE REAL SMART

YOU KNOW THE SCORE

TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

YOU GOTTA GET MORE

(Everyone)

MONEY TALKS, SO THEY SAY

MONEY TALKS, IN EVERY WAY

MONEY TALKS, THE BOTTOM LINE

YOU GOT YOURS AND I GOT MINE

(Irv)

YOU MEET A GIRL

WHOSE GOT THE LOOKS

BUT THEN SHE ASKS

TO SEE THE BOOKS

AND YOU WONDER IF

THERE'S A LOVE THAT'S TRUE

SHE ANSWERS "SURE"

'TIL THE BILL COMES DUE

(Everyone)

MONEY TALKS, SO THEY SAY

MONEY TALKS, IN EVERY WAY

MONEY TALKS, THE BOTTOM LINE

YOU GOT YOURS AND I GOT MINE

23.

Musical Bridge

(Irv)

YOU’RE THE ONE

THE MAN OF THE HOUR

YOU’VE GOT THE MESSAGE

YOU’VE GOT THE POWER

BUT EVERYTHING’S FOR SALE

IT’S YOUR POLITICAL INVOICE

CAUSE BIG MONEY SHAPES

THE VOTERS’ CHOICE

(Everyone)

MONEY TALKS, SO THEY SAY

MONEY TALKS, IN EVERY WAY

MONEY TALKS, THE BOTTOM LINE

YOU GOT YOURS AND I GOT MINE

MONEY TALKS, SO THEY SAY

MONEY TALKS, IN EVERY WAY

MONEY TALKS, THE BOTTOM LINE

YOU GOT YOUR AND I GOT MINE

(Irv)

YOU GOT YOURS AND I GOT MINE

BLACK OUT.

The LIGHTS come UP quickly. It's NIGHT. Everyone is gone

from the campaign headquarters except Steve and Brenda. They

are packing up for the night.

BRENDA

I thought we got a lot accomplished

today.

STEVE

I guess you could say that.

BRENDA

You don't think so?

STEVE

We finally got a strategy, I guess.

BRENDA

Yes.

(BEAT)

Good night.

STEVE

She knows.

24.

BRENDA

What?

STEVE

Elaine.

BRENDA

Knows what?

STEVE

About you and Glenn.

BRENDA

I don't know what you're...

STEVE

Please...stop. I saw you two last

night. What your arrangement is

with Glenn...is your business. But

you should be aware that Elaine

knows.

BRENDA

Then why hasn't she said something?

STEVE

She has. You can tell by the way

she looks at you.

BRENDA

I suppose you think that the only

reason I'm here is because I'm

sleeping with him.

Silence.

BRENDA (CONT'D)

You don't have to answer that.

STEVE

We have a campaign to win. Good

night.

Steve EXITS. Brenda stands alone on stage, sullen.

INSTRUMENTAL REPRISE of "I BELIEVE IN YOU".

BLACK OUT.

Act I, Scene 3

The lights from a TELEVISION break the darkness. A campaign

commercial comes on.

25.

Various pictures of Glenn Mann and MALCOLM PUFFINGTON appear.

The pictures of Glenn make him look strong and effective

including pictures of him, Elaine and their TWO CHILDREN (who

we never see in the play.) The pictures of Puffington make

him look like a sleaze bag. They alternate in relation to the

narration.

NARRATOR ( V.O. COMMERCIAL)

Glenn Mann grew up in this state.

Malcolm Puffington didn't.

Glenn Mann worked for everything he's got.

Puffington didn't.

Glenn Mann's been married once.

Malcolm Puffington's been married three times.

Glenn Mann believes the average American deserves a fair

shake.

Puffington wants to shake down the average American by

raising taxes.

Glenn believes the family is the backbone of America.

Malcolm believes that poor mothers should send their children

to orphanages.

Is that family values? Glenn Mann...Family Values...

American Values.

The LIGHTS COME UP. Watching the commercial are Steve,

Brenda, Glenn, Elaine, Irv, and Gladys. Other Campaign

Workers type, answer phones, etc. - in the background.

GLADYS

That Malcolm Puffington...is he

American?

STEVE

Uh, yeah, Gladys. He is.

GLADYS

Well, he doesn't seem like a very

good American. I mean he's not for

families. Where did he think he

came from?

She moves away from the group. Steve looks at the others and

shrugs knowingly.

STEVE

See?

IRV

I don't know. It seems kind of

simplistic.

BRENDA

It's brilliant. You did a great

job, Steve.

26.

STEVE

(surprised)

Thanks.

GLENN

Works for me.

(to Elaine)

What do you think, honey?

ELAINE

I think it's sickening, but I think

it's necessary. Though I would

like to see us run one commercial

where we say something positive,

rather than just attack him.

STEVE

We're behind in the polls. Most

people associate Family Values with

right wing conservatives like

Puffington. Glenn is the moderate,

but by doing our own version of

family values, we can cut into his

vote.

ELAINE

Traditional values, family values,

does anybody even care about that

anymore?

STEVE

Puffington made his career spouting

off on it.

ELAINE

And now we are. Look, if we don't

talk about the good things we're

going to do for the people of this

state, how we're going to spend

more money on teachers, programs to

get people off the welfare rolls...

STEVE

Our polls show that neither

candidate is well thought of. In

the end, this election is going to

be about the lesser of two evils...

that is, in the mind of the voters.

Elaine gives Glenn a look.

ELAINE

You're right.

27.

GLENN

But I think Elaine has got a point.

We also need to emphasize all the

great things I'm going to do when

I'm elected Governor.

STEVE

And what are those?

GLENN

(angrily)

You don't think much of me, do you?

STEVE

I wouldn't have taken this job if I

didn't think this election was

worth winning.

GLENN

You didn't answer my question.

STEVE

I think you'd make a much better

Governor than Malcolm Puffington.

Gladys has been listening in.

GLADYS

(guileless)

That isn't saying much.

She goes back to what she was doing unaware of her

unintentional insult.

GLENN

I have plenty to offer this state,

plenty of new ideas, innovations to

make state government run more

smoothly. And I'm going to

articulate them at this afternoon's

press conference.

BRENDA

I really think you should focus on

attacking Puffington.

STEVE

So do I.

GLENN

We'll see. We'll see.

IRV

Here comes the press.

28.

The PRESS, both TV (holding cameras) and Print (holding their

pens and pads) ENTER.

REPORTER #1

Congressman Mann...there has been a

lot of criticism about both you and

your opponent regarding the

negativity of this campaign.

GLENN

My opponent has been negative.

We've just been pointing out the

differences between what he

believes and what I believe.

REPORTER #2

And what are those differences?

GLENN

They're significant...and I think

rather obvious. My wife and I are

a political team. I believe in

family. My opponent doesn't.

REPORTER #3

But what do you intend to do for

the people of this state? What do

you promise to do?

BETTER DAYS

(Glenn)

I PROMISE A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT

A POT IN EVERY KITCHEN

A HOME IN EVERY HOUSE

I TELL YOU FRIENDS I'M NOT KIDDING

WE GOT BETTER DAYS, BETTER DAYS

I CAN PROMISE YOU BETTER DAYS

BETTER DAYS ARE COMING, LET ME SAY

IF YOU VOTE ME IN ON ELECTION DAY

(Steve)

NOW GLENN IS A CLEVER MAN

HE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO SAY

HE UNDERSTANDS THAT THE TRUTH

SHOULD NEVER, NEVER GET IN THE WAY

HE'S GOT FEET OF CLAY, LET ME SAY

HIS PROMISES COME FROM YESTERDAY

WHEN NOTHING CHANGES DON'T DISMAY

WHEN YOU VOTE HIM IN ON ELECTION DAY

29.

(Glenn)

I PROMISE TO CUT YOUR TAXES

AND TAX THE OTHER GUY AND

CUT DEREGULATION WHILE REGULATING THE

POLLUTERS WHILE THE AIRWAVES ARE BEING POLLUTED

BY SMUT AND I PROMISE FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND

AND I'M FOR THE FARMERS AND EATERS AND BREAKFAST

LUNCH AND DINNER FOR EVERYONE

WE GOT BETTER DAYS, BETTER DAYS

I CAN PROMISE YOU BETTER DAYS

BETTER DAYS ARE COMING, LET ME SAY

IF YOU VOTE ME IN ON ELECTION DAY

(Steve)

NOT TOO FAR TO THE RIGHT OR THE LEFT

WHILE THE TRUTH IS WELL DISGUISED

HE'S SO POLITICALLY CORRECT

BUT HIS OPPONENT IS MORALLY DEPRIVED

(Glenn)

I CAN TRULY SAY, IN ONE PHRASE

SOMETHING SPECIAL IS ON THE WAY

BETTERS DAYS ARE COMING, LET ME SAY

IF YOU VOTE ME IN ON ELECTION DAY

WE GOT BETTER DAYS

NOW BETTER DAYS ARE COMING, LET ME SAY

IF YOU VOTE ME IN ON ELECTION DAY

NOTE: When Steve sings in this song, he is singing it to IRV.

The press conference ends and the REPORTERS EXIT. The

Campaign Workers get back to their desks.

Brenda looks at her watch.

BRENDA

(to Glenn)

Congressman, we have to be at a

rally in Morrisville in an hour.

GLENN

You're right. Elaine...ready?

ELAINE

You go ahead. I'll miss this

rally...if that's all right.

GLENN

Sure...no problem.

30.

A strained silence as he exits with Brenda.

ELAINE

Steve, I'd like to speak with you

privately.

They move out of earshot.

ELAINE (CONT'D)

We can still win this election.

STEVE

I know that.

ELAINE

As pompous and as arrogant as Glenn

is, he's so much a better

person....his views so much more

humane than Malcolm Puffington's,

it's imperative Glenn win. If

Puffington wins he'll set this

state back ten years. Deep down

Glenn wants to be loved, desperate

to be loved. He really cares for

people. Puffington only cares

about power and his rich friends.

STEVE

That’s why I agreed to work on this

campaign.

ELAINE

That's why you need to get over

your personal animosity towards

Glenn.

STEVE

You're right.

Just then Gladys sticks her head in.

GLADYS

Mrs. Mann...

ELAINE

Hi...

STEVE

This is Gladys, one of our

invaluable campaign volunteers.

Elaine and Gladys shake hands.

31.

ELAINE

Nice to meet you.

GLADYS

Listen, I just wanted to say, I

think your husband's great. We all

believe in him. He's such a family

man, you know...

ELAINE

I do know. Thank you, Gladys.

Gladys smiles broadly, wants to continue the conversation,

but doesn’t know what to say. Steve leads her back to her

desk.

ELAINE (CONT'D)

Where were we?

STEVE

I need to get over my personal

animosity towards your husband.

ELAINE

My husband and I are a team.

You're part of that team.

Sometimes, we all have to put up

with things, indignities, that we

shouldn't have to put up with for

the sake of the team.

STEVE

How do you put up with it?

ELAINE

You mean the affairs? Brenda?

STEVE

Doesn't that say something about

his character?

ELAINE

It says something about...life, I

suppose, don't you think? Marriage

is a funny thing. We have two

children. You have to think about

them. But that's not what matters

here. What matters here is that we

win the Governorship.

32.

STEVE

I suppose I never decided to run

for office myself because I was

never very good at hiding my

feelings.

ELAINE

That's where you and I differ.

I've learned....I've learned...

ELAINE SINGS:

IT'S ALL FOR THE GOOD

THERE'S A TIME FOR SADNESS

BUT THAT'S NOT NOW

WE'RE TOO BUSY PRETENDING

THERE'S A TIME FOR LOVING

BUT THAT'S NOT NOW

WE'RE TOO BUSY DECEIVING

THERE'S A TIME FOR OUR LIVES

BUT THAT'S NOT NOW

WE'RE TOO BUSY LIVING

THERE'S A TIME FOR FEELINGS

BUT THAT'S NOT NOW

WE'RE TOO BUSY HURTING

(Chorus)

FREEDOM IS A MYTH

TO TORMENT YOUR SOUL

DESIRE, LIKE A PEBBLE

STUCK INSIDE YOUR SHOE

YOU MUST DO AS YOU SHOULD

DO ALL THAT YOU CAN DO

IT'S TOO WELL UNDERSTOOD

IT'S ALL FOR THE GOOD

THERE'S A TIME FOR LAUGHING

BUT THAT'S NOT NOW

WE'RE TOO BUSY CRYING

THERE'S A TIME FOR THE TRUTH

BUT THAT'S NOT NOW

WE'RE TOO BUSY SURVIVING

(Chorus)

FREEDOM IS A MYTH

TO TORMENT YOUR SOUL

DESIRE, LIKE A PEBBLE

STUCK INSIDE YOUR SHOE

YOU MUST DO AS YOU SHOULD

DO ALL THAT YOU CAN DO

33.

IT'S TOO WELL UNDERSTOOD

IT'S ALL FOR THE GOOD

WE MUST DO AS WE SHOULD

DO ALL THAT WE CAN DO

IT'S TOO WELL UNDERSTOOD

IT'S ALL FOR THE GOOD

ALL FOR THE GOOD

BLACKOUT.

Act I, Scene 4

LIGHTS UP.

The place is bustling.

Glenn and Elaine stand to one side of the stage being

interviewed by reporters.

Brenda is on the phone.

Steve is on another phone at another desk. So is Irv.

Gladys scurries around the room carrying documents to and

between people.

The focus shifts from one person to another. In between and

sometimes over the dialogue, INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC for WE'VE GOT

A WINNER plays.

ON REPORTERS, GLENN and ELAINE

REPORTER #1

Mr. Mann, your sudden rise in the

polls seems to be the direct result

of your negative advertising.

GLENN

I have to disagree. I think we're

just getting our message across.

REPORTER #2

And what message is that?

GLENN

Family Values.

ON STEVE speaking into phone.

34.

STEVE

Family Values. I want a new spot,

same theme by tomorrow. Something

like,...Glenn Mann, Family Man.

ON BRENDA speaking into phone.

BRENDA

Puffington can't keep his you know

what in his pants. Everybody in

Washington knows it. Can't you

guys run a story on that?

ON IRV speaking into phone.

IRV

Look you people have to put your

money where your mouth is. Glenn

Mann's going to be elected Governor

and you don't want to be left

backing the wrong horse.

ON REPORTERS, GLENN and ELAINE

REPORTER #2

Mrs. Mann, has this election been

tough on you and your children?

ELAINE

Yes, of course, but it's worth it.

We all believe in Glenn. The kids

are very proud of their father, as

I am.

ON STEVE speaking into phone.

STEVE

I don't want excuses. Just do it.

ON BRENDA speaking into phone.

BRENDA

Look, you owe me. Great. I won't

forget this.

ON IRV speaking into phone.

IRV

Look, you owe me. Great. I won't

forget this.

Gladys shows Steve something on her cell phone.

35.

GLADYS

Look at the what the bloggers are

saying.

ON REPORTERS, GLENN and ELAINE

REPORTER #3

What are the key differences

between you and your opponent?

GLENN

Family Values.

ON STEVE addressing Irv and Brenda, both still on the phone.

STEVE

The latest poll shows that we're

dead even with Puffington.

BRENDA

I told you we needed to go

negative.

STEVE

No, I told you.

IRV

Just raised another hundred thou.

ON REPORTERS, GLENN and ELAINE

REPORTER #1

I find it surprising that your

playing the Family Values theme.

Family Values is usually associated

with more conservative politicians

like Puffington. You are

considered by most to be a

moderate.

GLENN

I am a moderate. And I am pro-

family values.

Glenn and Elaine, and the Reporters continue to mime their

press conference to the side of the stage in the shadows

while...

Irv dramatically hangs up the phone.

IRV

And another hundred thou!!

Whatever you're doing Stevie, baby,

keep on doing it.

36.

STEVE

What I'm doing can be said in two

words.

BRENDA

Family Values.

IRV

Family Values.

STEVE

Family Values.

GLADYS

Yeah! Family Values!

(BEAT)

What are they?

Steve, Brenda, Irv with help of Campaign workers sing while

Glenn continues talking to the reporters:

FAMILY VALUES

POLITICALLY SPEAKING CODE WORDS ARE THE TICKET

PRO-CHOICE, PRO LIFE LIKE TO PICKET

BUT THE GOLDEN PHRASE THEY ALL WANT TO USE

YOU GOTTA HAVE FAMILY VALUES

THE GAYS ARE FINE IF THEY STAY IN LINE

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL, WAS DIVINE

BUT THEY SURE CAN TURN SOME NOSES BLUE

WHEN THEY CLAIM TO HAVE FAMILY VALUES

(Chorus)

FAMILY VALUES...GOOD VALUES

WITHOUT THEM IT'S A SIN

GOOD VALUES...FAMILY VALUES

YOU GOTTA HAVE THEM TO WIN

WORKING MOTHERS SHOULD STAY AT HOME

WITH THEIR CHILDREN WHERE THEY BELONG

A WOMAN'S JOB IS HERS TO LOSE

FOR THE SAKE OF FAMILY VALUES

WELFARE MOTHERS ON THE DOLE

SHOULD GET A JOB, GET OFF THE ROLLS

LATCHKEY KIDS ARE THE ONES THAT LOSE

IN THE NAME OF FAMILY VALUES

(Chorus)

FAMILY VALUES...GOOD VALUES

WITHOUT THEM IT'S A SIN

GOOD VALUES...FAMILY VALUES

YOU GOTTA HAVE THEM TO WIN

37.

(Bridge)

CARE FOR THE HOMELESS, NOT WITH MY DIME

FOR AND AGAINST ABORTION ALL AT ONE TIME

LET PEOPLE BE FREE AS THEY GROW OLD

BUT THEY BETTER MAKE SURE THEY DO AS THEY'RE TOLD

LIBERALS WANT TO HELP THE POOR TO THEIR FEET

CONSERVATIVES AFTER THOSE WELFARE CHEATS

BOTH ARE READY TO GIVE THE NEWS

ABOUT WHAT THEY CALL FAMILY VALUES

TWO KIDS, A DOG, WITH MOM AND DAD

DOESN'T SOUND AT ALL HALF BAD

WHITE PICKET FENCE, NEW CAR OR TWO

THAT'S WHAT I CALL FAMILY VALUES

(chorus)

FAMILY VALUES...GOOD VALUES

WITHOUT THEM IT'S A SIN

GOOD VALUES...FAMILY VALUES

YOU GOTTA HAVE THEM TO WIN

FAMILY VALUES...GOOD VALUES

WITHOUT THEM IT'S A SIN

GOOD VALUES...FAMILY VALUES

YOU GOTTA HAVE THEM TO WIN

The song ends and everybody gets back to what they were

doing. Glenn and Elaine walk back into the main part of the

campaign headquarters while the REPORTERS EXIT.

Suddenly, a CAMPAIGN WORKER comes rushing in from off stage.

CAMPAIGN WORKER

Everybody, quick turn on the TV.

STEVE

Why? What's wrong?

BRENDA

What's going on?

They turn on the TV. A GROUP of REPORTERS face a voluptuous

young woman named DARLENE ROBINSON. She is the holding an

INFANT CHILD in her arms.

REPORTER ( O.S.-OVER TV)

And how long did this affair last?

DARLENE

For over two years.

38.

REPORTER (O.S.-OVER TV)

And what did Congressman Mann say

to you?

DARLENE

I couldn't get him on the phone,

that's why I'm here today. It's

the only way I could get through to

him. It's the only way that I

could tell him that he's the father

of little Bobby here, and he needs

to take responsibility for that.

Glenn rushes over to the TV, shuts it off.

GLENN

It's not true!

ELAINE

Are you sure?

The looks on the faces of Elaine and Brenda say they don't

believe him. The joy that was in the room a moment ago turns

to despair. This revelation probably will cost them the

election.

GLADYS

I don't know why everybody's so

upset. At least it shows Mr. Mann

is pro-family.

Everyone reacts at her naïveté.

BLACKOUT.

Act I, Scene 5

NIGHT. Steve and Brenda are alone once more on stage, both

on the phone.

BRENDA

(into phone)

Look, you have to understand, this

woman has no credibility. How do I

know. Because I know Glenn Mann...

Steve puts his hand over the mouthpiece...

STEVE

Yeah...the family man.

BRENDA

(into phone)

Nothing is true until it's proven

(MORE)

39.

true. Your paper needs to remember

that. All right... thanks.

She and Steve hang up at the same time.

STEVE

You know what I love about this

business. The fact that you have

to lie convincingly. Everybody

lies...but to do it convincingly,

that's an art form. Of course

there is the possibility that you

really believe what you’re

saying...

BRENDA

You're like a vulture...waiting

until someone is weak and then

going in for the kill.

STEVE

Look, I'm sorry. I'm in a bad

mood. Let's start over. How are

you doing?

BRENDA

You don't care how I'm doing.

STEVE

That's not true.

BRENDA

I feel like such a fool. I

thought, that, well...Glenn said

that theirs was a marriage of

convenience.

STEVE

That's true.

BRENDA

He said that they hadn't made love

in years.

STEVE

That's probably true.

BRENDA

He needed someone who could

understand him. He said I was the

only one.

STEVE

And you believed him?

BRENDA (CONT'D)

40.

BRENDA

He lied to me.

STEVE

Yes, he did.

BRENDA

What should I expect, he's a

politician.

STEVE

Woa...slow down. You're not being

politically correct.

BRENDA

What do you mean?

STEVE

We don't say politicians are

liars anymore, we say they're

ethically challenged.

BRENDA

You think you're funny.

STEVE

Only when I don't try.

BRENDA

I don't know what's worse...that he

lied to me or I believed him.

STEVE

That you believed him. It never

ceases to amaze me how a woman will

have an affair with a married man

and then expect him to be faithful

to her.

BRENDA

It is naive.

STEVE

What's really naive is believing

anybody about anything.

BRENDA

I don't think I could go through

life so cynical.

STEVE

I call it realistic.

41.

BRENDA

Do you trust anybody?

STEVE

No.

BRENDA

That's very sad.

STEVE

That way you're never disappointed.

BRENDA

It's a life without risks. Haven't

you ever been in love? Haven't you

ever trusted anyone before?

STEVE

I trusted my wife once. She ran

off with this other fella...a multi-

millionaire. Gave me a great

inferiority complex.

BRENDA

So, that's it?

STEVE

One failed marriage was enough for

me. Now I find nourishment in

shallow short term flings. It's

sort of like eating a lot of

chocolate chip cookies at once.

BRENDA

That can make you sick.

STEVE

Yeah, but it's fun while you're

doing it.

BRENDA

You're pathetic.

STEVE

I'm pathetic?! Now that's a laugh.

You take up with Mister Glenn, foot-

in-his-mouth, Mann, think he's the

cat's meow, and find out all he is,

is the litter box...and I'm

pathetic?!

BRENDA

No, you're pathetic because you've

given up on people.

(MORE)

42.

I'll admit something. At first, I

was excited about working with you.

You have a great reputation as a

campaign strategist. But I just

can't stand your patronizing,

condescending attitude about people

as if somehow you're superior.

STEVE

If you cared so much for people,

you wouldn't have been screwing

another woman's man.

BRENDA

You know...you know something. You

don't know me. You don't have a

clue who I am.

STEVE

Maybe, but think twice before you

start judging me, too.

Steve and Brenda now stand on each side the stage. At first,

they sing a DUET...but not too each other. They sing to the

audience, the room dark and a SPOTLIGHT on EACH. It is as if

they were alone on stage and the other person can't hear what

they're singing. As the song progresses, however, they start

to acknowledge each other, as if the words were beginning to

sink in.

IF YOU ONLY KNEW ME

(Steve)

THERE'S A FEELING I HAVE DEEP INSIDE

I RARELY LET THE SUN SEE

THERE'S A FEELING I HOLD NEXT TO MY HEART

YOU'D UNDERSTAND, IF YOU ONLY KNEW ME

(Brenda)

A YEARNING IN MY SOUL

I CRY ALONE - TOO LONELY

THERE'S A HOPE THAT I HOLD FOR TRUE LOVE

YOU'D UNDERSTAND IF YOU ONLY KNEW ME

chorus (Steve and Brenda)

IF ONLY IN THIS MOMENT

WE COULD TRULY SEE

A PROMISE WAS MEANT

FOR YOU AND MEANT FOR ME

IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT

YOU WOULD TRULY SEE

I'M A LOT LIKE YOU

AND YOU'RE A LOT LIKE ME

BRENDA (CONT'D)

43.

(Steve)

THERE'S A VOICE THAT I HEAR IN YOUR WORDS

THAT REMINDS ME

IT'S A FEELING I FEAR DEEP INSIDE

YOU'D UNDERSTAND, IF YOU ONLY KNEW ME

(Brenda)

A SEARCHING IN YOUR EYES

YOU'RE NOT ALONE, JUST LONELY

IT'S A FEELING I KNOW SO WELL

YOU'D UNDERSTAND, IF YOU ONLY KNEW ME

(Steve and Brenda)

IF ONLY IN THIS MOMENT

WE COULD TRULY SEE

A PROMISE WAS MEANT

FOR YOU AND MEANT FOR ME

IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT

YOU WOULD TRULY SEE

I'M A LOT LIKE YOU

AND YOU'RE A LOT LIKE ME

(Steve)

I KNOW YOU THINK ME HEARTLESS

AND A LITTLE COLD

(Brenda)

THAT I TRY TOO HARD TO IMPRESS

AS I PLAY MY ROLE

(Steve and Brenda)

IF ONLY IN THIS MOMENT

WE COULD TRULY SEE

A PROMISE WAS MEANT

FOR YOU AND MEANT FOR ME

IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT

YOU WOULD TRULY SEE

I'M A LOT LIKE YOU

AND YOU'RE A LOT LIKE ME

I'M A LOT LIKE YOU

AND YOU'RE A LOT LIKE ME

When the song ends, there is a real change between the two of

them, they care for each other in a way they hadn't before.

BRENDA

I'm gonna go get some shut eye.

Good night.

44.

STEVE

Good night.

She EXITS.

STEVE (CONT'D)

You're not attracted to her.

Absolutely not. Forget it.

He keeps on staring in her direction as we BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT I

Act II, Scene 1

NIGHT. Glenn, Elaine, Steve, Brenda and Irv brainstorm.

They sing the song SPIN and we intercut dialogue throughout,

stopping and starting the song but with background music

going the whole time.

(Everyone)

SPIN...SPIN...SPIN...SPIN

(Irv)

IF YOUR CANDIDATE'S GOT A PROBLEM

NOT TO WORRY, NOT TO FRET

IF MANN'S GOT A PROBLEM

THERE'S A WAY OVER IT

(Steve)

NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION

THERE'S A FACT THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

WITH THE PROPER EXPLANATION

THERE'S NO DISASTER YOU CAN'T CONTROL

(chorus; Everyone)

IF YOU'RE GONNA WIN, YOU NEED THE PROPER SPIN

WHERE THE SKY IS GREEN AND THE GRASS IS BLUE

YOU CAN ALWAYS COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW..........SPIN

BRENDA

Let's review our options. You can

deny this completely and offer to

take a blood test...which is my

suggestion.

45.

STEVE

(interrupting)

Or you can completely deny this and

accuse Puffington of putting her up

to this...which is my suggestion.

(Brenda)

BUT THE PRESS WILL REALLY HOUND HIM

WHY WON'T HE TAKE THE TEST

WITH REPORTERS ALL AROUND HIM

THEY'LL SURELY NEVER LET HIM REST

(Steve)

IF YOU'RE CAUGHT IN HANKY PANKY

LOOK THE PRESS RIGHT IN THE EYE

WITH THE PROPER INDIGNATION

SAY IT'S ALL A PACK OF LIES

BRENDA

That will look like he's trying to

hide something.

STEVE

Not if you do it right.

BRENDA

Look, if the test proves the baby

is not his...

ELAINE

What if it doesn't?

BRENDA

What do you mean?

ELAINE

Do you think you're the only pretty

young thing on Capitol Hill he

sleeps with?

(Glenn)

LADIES LET'S NOT A WASTE A MOMENT

WITH INCONSEQUENTIAL SPATS

THIS PROBLEM MUST BE BURIED

LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY PAST

(Elaine)

IF IT'S TRUE YOUR NOT THE FATHER

ALL RIGHT, I GUESS THAT'S FINE

I SUPPOSE WHAT HAS HAPPENED WAS

46.

YOU PRACTICED SAFE SEX ALL THE TIME

GLENN

Elaine, this is not so...

ELAINE

PLEASE! Glenn...please. This is

not about our marriage. This is

not about your lies. This is about

what we do about this problem.

(chorus; everyone)

IF YOU'RE GONNA WIN, YOU NEED THE PROPER SPIN

WHERE THE SKY IS GREEN AND THE GRASS IS BLUE

YOU CAN ALWAYS COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW

SPIN....SPIN...SPIN...SPIN....SPIN....SPIN....

Everyone continues singing the word SPIN directly

intermingled with the following dialogue.

IRV

We better do something and do it

soon. I'm already having

contributors back out.

STEVE

I know.

IRV

This will kill our family values

angle.

STEVE

I know.

IRV

Our candidate will look like a big

loser, a sinking ship...

STEVE

I know.

IRV

This could destroy our whole

campaign.

EVERYONE

WE KNOW!!

END OF SONG.

Silence.

47.

IRV

You could say you had a vasectomy.

Everyone gives him a look.

STEVE

(sarcastically)

Or you could take the blood test,

and if the baby did turn out to be

yours, you could claim that you

donated sperm to a sperm bank.

ELAINE

And then you could promise to go to

sex rehab.

GLENN

I'm telling you, Puffington put her

up to this.

ELAINE

I think that's our only chance is

to blame it on Puffington. That

should be the spin.

BRENDA

Yes, turn it to our favor.

IRV

Here comes the press.

REPORTERS spill onto the stage holding cameras and

microphones. They bombard Glenn with questions, rapid fire.

He responds in kind as Steve, Brenda, Elaine, Irv watch.

REPORTER #1

Do you know her or don't you know

her?

GLENN

What do you mean by "know"?

REPORTER #2

Have you met her?

GLENN

I don't think so...but I can't say

that definitively.

REPORTER #3

There are witnesses who saw you two

together.

48.

GLENN

In this line of work you meet a lot

of people.

REPORTER #1

Did you, or did you not sleep with

her?

GLENN

Sleep?....no.

REPORTER #2

Did you have sex with her?

GLENN

Absolutely...not.

REPORTER #3

How does your wife feel about all

this?

GLENN

How would she feel?

REPORTER #1

How do we know you're telling the

truth?

GLENN

I'm Glenn Mann.

REPORTER #1

Yes, but...

GLENN

I'm a stickler for the truth. I

just can't help it, the truth

sticks to me whether I like it or

not.

REPORTER #1

Yes, but...

GLENN

This whole issue is a red herring.

REPORTER #1

Yes, but...

REPORTER #3

Will you take a blood test?

GLENN

Uh, absolutely...uh....not...

49.

Then all the Reporters start talking at once only to be

interrupted by Glenn singing.

I DIDN'T DO IT

REPORTERS

DID YOU...DID YOU...DID YOU...

(Glenn)

NO...ABSOLUTELY, RESOLUTELY, UNEQUIVOCALLY, COMPLETELY,

DISDAINFULLY....AND DESPERATELY, I DENY THIS LIE!

I DIDN'T DO IT, I DIDN'T DO IT,

I DIDN'T REALLY, DIDN'T REALLY, DIDN'T DIDN'T DO IT

I TAKE TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY...

TO SAY THAT BABY AIN'T MINE

I DIDN'T DO IT, UH HUH...

SHE'S SUCH A YOUNG KITTEN

CAN'T YOU HEAR HER PURR

THAT GIRL'S NEARLY HALF MY AGE

NOW WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY SEE IN HER

I COULDN'T DO IT, I WOULDN'T DO IT,

I COULDN'T REALLY, WOULDN'T REALLY, COULDN'T WOULDN'T DO IT

I TAKE TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY

TO SAY MY CAREER IS ON THE LINE

I DIDN'T DO IT

I'M A SENSIBLE FAMILY MAN

CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SEE

IT'S OBVIOUS THE KID'S NOT MINE

HE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME

I DIDN'T DO IT, I DIDN'T DO IT,

I DIDN'T REALLY, DIDN'T REALLY, DIDN'T DIDN'T DO IT

PLEASE TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO QUOTE ME ANYTIME...

I DIDN'T DO IT, JUST LOOK AT MY FACE, I DIDN'T DO IT,

NO WAY!

The reporters moan in disbelief.

BLACKOUT.

Act II, Scene 2

50.

NIGHT. The headquarters is empty except for Brenda. She

sits at the computer, types a few words, stops. Steve

enters, sees her.

STEVE

(seriously)

I admire your dedication.

BRENDA

I can do without the sarcasm.

STEVE

I wasn't being sarcastic. Really,

I'm being sincere.

BRENDA

(appreciatively)

Okay.

STEVE

What are you working on?

BRENDA

Something for Glenn to say besides,

"I didn't do it."

STEVE

Come up with anything?

BRENDA

Nope.

STEVE

There's nothing he can do but deny

it.

BRENDA

It's hard to get enthusiastic about

helping someone who you don't

respect.

Steve smiles knowingly.

BRENDA (CONT'D)

Don't give me that look.

STEVE

What look?

BRENDA

That, "I told you so" look.

51.

STEVE

Oh, come on. We already went

through this. I can't help it.

I'm cynical.

BRENDA

Look Glenn Mann may be an

asshole...

STEVE

But he's our asshole.

BRENDA

That's right, and despite my

feelings, he's better than

Puffington. He's better on

the issues.

STEVE

That's if you believe any of this

actually matters.

BRENDA

And you don't?

STEVE

I used to believe that politics

could make a difference, government

could be used for positive social

change, that who you elected

mattered.

BRENDA

I believe it matters. I believe it

matters a lot. I can't believe you

don't.

STEVE

Well, start believing.

BRENDA

You ran the campaign for Senator

Wheeler. He was instrumental in

passing the Environmental

Protection Bill. You got Senator

Matthews elected. She got the Day

Care Bill passed that helps working

mothers. You got...

STEVE

You keep on reminding me of

my past. I wish you wouldn't

do that.

52.

BRENDA

It's a good past.

STEVE

Ancient history.

BRENDA

It's politics helping people.

Politics doesn't have to be a dirty

word.

STEVE

What keeps you going? What keeps

you in the game?

BRENDA

Besides my poor choice in men? I

suppose it's the belief that I can

really make a difference.

STEVE

You really believe that?

BRENDA

I do. It just comes down to one

thing.

STEVE

What's that?

BRENDA

You can't give up on your dream.

STEVE

You don't understand.

Steve takes in what she's just said and considers it

seriously. As STEVE SINGS, he starts out melancholy, but as

the song progresses he begins to believe what Brenda says,

once again realizing why he went into politics.

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

(Steve)

USED TO THINK I'D MAKE A DIFFERENCE

HAD THAT ILLUSION SHATTERED

EVEN WHEN I WON I LOST

THE DIFFERENCE NEVER MATTERED

USED TO BE SO SIMPLE

I COULD RELY ON MY DREAMS

THEN SURPRISE - LIFE SHOWED UP

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

53.

(Chorus)

NO GOAL WAS TOO DISTANT

THERE WITHIN MY GRASP

DREAMS MADE LIFE WORTH LIVING

NEVER SEEMED TOO MUCH TO ASK

I'D NEVER STOP BELIEVING

WHAT LIFE REALLY MEANS

A MAN COULD NEVER LOSE HIMSELF

AS LONG AS HE LIVES HIS DREAMS

SO HERE I AM THE KING MAKER

STIRRING THE MOVERS AND SHAKERS

POWER AND PRIDE AT ANY COST

NOW I KNOW WHAT I NEARLY LOST

USED TO BE SO EASY

THEN MY LIFE INTERVENED

USED TO FEEL SO CONFUSED

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

(Bridge)

THIS WORLD IS FULL OF MANY

WHO DON'T SEE TRUTH IN LIES

THEY CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND

LIFE IS A SHORT JOURNEY

WE JUST HITCH A RIDE

TO FLY AS HIGH AS WE CAN

(Chorus)

NO GOAL IS TOO DISTANT

IT'S THERE WITHIN MY GRASP

DREAMS MAKE LIFE WORTH LIVING

IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK

I'LL NEVER STOP BELIEVING

WHAT LIVING REALLY MEANS

A MAN CAN NEVER LOSE HIMSELF

AS LONG AS HE LIVES HIS DREAMS

When the song ends, Steve looks at Brenda with a new found

respect.

STEVE (CONT’D)

I guess, I guess I needed to be

reminded why I do this.

BRENDA

Any time.

They smile warmly at each other. An awkwardness develops.

These two people aren't supposed to like each other and an

attraction has become clearly evident to both of them.

54.

STEVE

Say, I mean it. Thanks.

BRENDA

Any time.

More silence as they stare at each other. They take a step

towards each other, think better of it, stop.

STEVE

The debate's tomorrow.

BRENDA

The debate's tomorrow.

STEVE

We'd better get some sleep.

BRENDA

We're going to need it.

STEVE

Do you think Glenn's ready.

BRENDA

To make a fool of himself.

BLACK OUT. A FEW BARS of WE’VE GOT A WINNER.

Act II, Scene 3

The set has been changed slightly to make it appear as a

TELEVISION STUDIO, several TV cameras, a TV MODERATOR asks

questions of the two candidates, Glenn Mann and MALCOLM

PUFFINGTON who stand behind podiums facing the stage.

Puffington is a complete pompous ass. His self importance

makes Glenn Mann seem humble.

Steve, Brenda, Elaine, Irv (who frequently cringe at the

answers Glenn gives) and Campaign Workers from both sides

(wearing hats for their candidate) are present.

MODERATOR

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to

tonight's gubernatorial debate

between Malcolm Puffington and

Glenn Mann. Good evening,

gentlemen.

PUFFINGTON

Good evening.

GLENN

Good evening.

55.

MODERATOR

Before we begin the questions, you

each will be allowed a short

statement. Mr. Puffington, we will

begin with you.

PUFFINGTON

Thank you. My opponent has spent

the last several weeks attacking

me. Why? Because he doesn't have

anything positive to say about

himself or his plans for the state.

I, on the other hand, have put

forward a twelve point plan to make

this state the greatest state in

these United States. Where is his

twelve point plan, I ask you. He

doesn't have one. Why? Because he

doesn't have an original thought in

his head.

MODERATOR

Mr. Mann, your opening statement.

GLENN

Well, I find it laughable, sir,

that you would be talking about

negative campaigning. And as far

as your twelve point plan...your

twelve point plan...I have a

thirteen point plan, which is one

more than yours. That's right.

Thirteen points. And at its core

is Better Days and Family Values.

PUFFINGTON

How come I haven't heard of this

thirteen point plan before?

ON BRENDA whispering to STEVE.

BRENDA

How come I haven't heard of it,

either?

STEVE

Because we don't have one.

ON CANDIDATES and MODERATOR.

GLENN

Why haven't you heard of it? I’ll

tell you why.

(MORE)

56.

It's because you're too busy

getting that girl to say I

impregnated her.

PUFFINGTON

I deny that and demand an apology.

MODERATOR

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please, I ask

that you speak only during your

allotted time. Now, the first

question is for Mr. Mann. What are

your plans for the state budget

deficit?

GLENN

To eliminate it.

MODERATOR

Uh, right. But how?

GLENN

Through sound fiscal management.

MODERATOR

Could you be more specific?

GLENN

By cutting waste and eliminating

unneeded programs.

MODERATOR

What programs for instance?

GLENN

The ones that need cutting. I'm

going to make sure they don't get

one more cent than they really

need.

MODERATOR

Mr. Puffington, how are you going

to deal with the budget deficit?

PUFFINGTON

My father taught me that the way to

make money is to trim the fat.

When he would take over a company,

he would immediately fire half the

workers and cut benefits. We have

to run this state like a business

and trim the fat.

GLENN (CONT'D)

57.

MODERATOR

Are you suggesting that you're

going to fire half the state's

employees?

PUFFINGTON

The bloated bureaucracy of the

state government has to be cut.

Look, if you were in a life raft,

and you had a four hundred pound

man who was making the boat sink,

you'd toss him out so you could

save everybody else. Now the

bloated bureaucracy is like that

four hundred pound man. You got to

get rid of it, but it's hard to

move.

MODERATOR

Mr. Mann, any response.

GLENN

This just goes to show how

insensitive Mr. Puffington is. He

would just take that four hundred

pound man and just throw him

overboard without first asking,

“could he gave gone on a diet?”

It's clear my opponent resents

anyone who is overweight.

PUFFINGTON

That's not what I said.

GLENN

Oh, now you're changing your tune.

MODERATOR

Excuse me, gentlemen, please. Mr.

Puffington, it is now your turn to

ask Mr. Mann a question.

PUFFINGTON

This thirteen point plan. What are

they?

GLENN

Uhhh...?

PUFFINGTON

List the points. You claim to have

this thirteen point plan--

58.

GLENN

Which is one more than your twelve

point plan--

PUFFINGTON

And I see you’re good at

arithmetic. Tell me what they are.

Glenn clearly is making this up as he goes along...counting

on his fingers as he goes along.

GLENN

All right, Better Days...Family

Values...Core Values...Decent

Values...uh, Better Values...

True Values....

PUFFINGTON

That's six.

GLENN

I wasn't done. All right, where

did I stop...

MODERATOR

True Values..

GLENN

Right. Incredible Values. That's

seven. Okay...Family...

PUFFINGTON

You already said Family Values.

GLENN

Family PROSPERITY. That's eight.

Better prosperity. Nine. Vital

Prosperity....that's ten. State

Prosperity...eleven. Individual

Prosperity...twelve. And the last

one is...the last one is...

Prosperous Values!

The crowd applauds vigorously.

ON STEVE and BRENDA

BRENDA

That was amazing.

STEVE

That's one word for it.

59.

BRENDA

That was the most ridiculous thing

I've ever heard.

ON CANDIDATES and MODERATOR

MODERATOR

All right. There has been a lot of

mudslinging in this campaign. Both

of you have had your character

called into question. Mr.

Puffington, you've been married

three times and you've been accused

of shady business dealings. Mr.

Mann you're accused of fathering an

illegitimate child and refuse to

take a blood test.

GLENN

Well, just a second there. I don't

see why I should have to take a

blood test, if my opponent here

doesn't have to take one.

PUFFINGTON

Why should I have to take one?

GLENN

What's fair is fair.

MODERATOR

But...

GLENN

It's this simple...

YOU'RE A LIAR

(Glenn)

MY WORTHY OPPONENT RARELY MAKES SENSE

HE CLAIMS TO SPEAK THE TRUTH BUT

UNFORTUNATELY IT'S NONSENSE

(Puffington)

I HAVE TO KEEP FROM LAUGHING

HE'S ONE TO CRITICIZE

HIS STORIES ARE CHANGING DAY BY DAY

HE OBVIOUSLY LIES

(Glenn)

AT THE EXPENSE OF THE POOR

YOU RAISE THE BUDGET FOR DEFENSE

60.

YOU TAKE FOOD FROM LITTLE CHILDREN

THAT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

(Puffington)

PRO-LIFE, PRO-CHOICE

IS THAT HONEST, ADMIT IT

YOU WANT A TAX HIKE BUT

YOU JUST WON’T SAY IT

(Glenn and Puffington)

IT'S REALLY QUITE PATHETIC

TO HEAR YOU TELL YOUR TALE

IT'S A BAD SOAP OPERA

IT'S TIME TO GET REAL

YOU'RE A LIAR

IT'S A NASTY SMEAR

IT COULDN'T BE CLEARER

YOU ARE A LIAR!

(Puffington)

CHARACTER IS THE ISSUE HERE

BUT YOU COULDN'T BE BOTHERED

TAKE THAT BABY FOR INSTANCE

ADMIT IT YOU'RE THE FATHER

(Glenn)

WHAT YOU SAY IS SLANDER

AND YOU KNOW IT'S NOT TRUE

YOU PUT THAT WOMAN UP TO THIS

IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU

(Puffington)

I DENY WHAT YOU SAY

I DENY IT ABSOLUTELY

YOU'RE THE FATHER AND YOU KNOW IT

I STATE QUITE RESOLUTELY

(Glenn)

SIR, DON'T INSULT MY WIFE

MY ONE MARRIAGE IS NOTED

I'M A SOLID FAMILY MAN

SO DUTIFUL AND DEVOTED - (to Elaine) AREN'T I HONEY

(Glenn and Puffington)

IT'S REALLY QUITE PATHETIC

TO HEAR YOU TELL YOUR TALE

IT'S A BAD SOAP OPERA

IT'S TIME TO GET REAL

YOU'RE A LIAR

61.

YOU'RE A LIAR

IT'S A NASTY SMEAR

IT COULDN'T BE CLEARER

YOU ARE A LIAR!

PUFFINGTON

Who are you calling a liar?!

GLENN

YOU!

PUFFINGTON

Oh, yeah. It takes one to know

one.

GLENN

Oh, yeah?!

PUFFINGTON

YEAH!

And with that Glenn and Puffington lunge for each other and

begin to grapple, falling to the floor. The Moderator and

Steve and Irv and others rush over to separate them.

BLACKOUT.

Act II, Scene 4

The TV comes on in the darkened CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS which

is back to normal. On screen - GLENN and PUFFINGTON are

wrestling on the ground.

NEWSCASTER ( V.O. ON TV)

The fight broke out at last night's

debate when the two candidates

began to argue over the allegation

that Glenn Mann fathered an

illegitimate child.

Then we see the NEWSCASTER on the television.

NEWSCASTER (CONT’D)

Congressman Mann has agreed to take

a blood test to determine if he's

the father, but only if Congressman

Puffington takes one as well.

PUFFINGTON on the television.

62.

PUFFINGTON

If that's what it takes to get Mann

to own up to what he's done, I will

take a blood test.

The TV shuts off.

LIGHTS UP.

Brenda and Steve have been watching, Steve holding the remote

control. In the BACKGROUND, CAMPAIGN WORKERS go about their

business.

STEVE

They're both lucky there's not a

third party candidate. I wonder if

it's too late for me to run.

BRENDA

The election's tomorrow.

STEVE

Too late for a write in?

BRENDA

Would you want the job?

STEVE

Would I have to be like those two

clowns?

BRENDA

Only if you follow the thirteen

point plan.

STEVE

Which is one more than the twelve

point plan.

BRENDA

Which is better than no plan at

all.

STEVE

Unless you have family values...

BRENDA

Which will make for better days...

STEVE

Any way you look at it.

They both share a WARM LAUGH together. Just then Irv enters.

63.

IRV

Everybody's taken a blood test.

We'll know the results soon.

STEVE

Anybody up for a friendly wager?

I'm giving odds. Ten to one it's

our man, Mann's kid.

IRV

I only bet on sure things. There

is one thing I do know...one way or

the other, it's all over tomorrow,

and we all go our separate ways.

Gladys, holding a phone to his ear, calls over to Irv from

the other side of the stage.

GLADYS

Irv, phone.

Irv moves away from Steve and Brenda and picks up the phone.

STEVE

Yeah, tomorrow's it. Listen, I'm

sorry if I was a little hard on you

at first...

BRENDA

Look, I came on like gang

busters...

STEVE

Yeah, you did...but...I'm glad we

worked together.

BRENDA

Me, too. So, uh, what are you

going to do, you know...

STEVE

I don't know, find another

campaign. I got a call about the

Governor's race in Virginia next

year...

BRENDA

Oh...

STEVE

How about you?

64.

BRENDA

Well, I think my job with Glenn

Mann ended.

STEVE

You'll land on your feet. I'm

sure.

BRENDA

Yeah.

STEVE

You helped me.

BRENDA

You helped me...too.

STEVE

Tomorrow's it.

BRENDA

Tomorrow...it's all over.

Brenda extends her hand.

BRENDA (CONT’D)

I know this will seem weird for me

to say, but it’s been a pleasure.

STEVE

The pleasure was all mine.

An awkward silence as the two are clearly feeling close to

one another.

BRENDA

As they say...don’t be a stranger.

STEVE

Yes, don’t be a stranger.

But they’re still holding hands, moving closer, both wanting

to kiss each other when GLENN ENTERS. All the Campaign

Workers stop what they're doing...look at him. It is an

awkward moment.

GLENN

Everyone...I thank you for your all

your hard work. Tomorrow's the big

day and it's going to be a long

one. So, I suggest you go home and

get some sleep and dream of

victory.

65.

The Campaign Workers APPLAUD him.

GLADYS

We still believe in you, Mr. Mann.

No matter whose baby it is.

The Campaign Workers EXIT leaving Glenn, Brenda, Steve and

Irv on stage.

STEVE

(to Brenda)

So, if I were to run...would you

support me?

BRENDA

Only if you could guarantee that

you wouldn't end up like him...

She means Glenn.

STEVE

That's tough to predict...I think

he's contagious.

IRV

Congressman, how are you?

GLENN

I'm fine, Irv. Thank you for

asking.

IRV

We're waiting to hear...about the

blood test that is.

GLENN

I know.

STEVE

Good evening, Congressman...

GLENN

Brenda...

BRENDA

Good evening.

GLENN

Well, it would seem I’m about as

popular as my opponent.

STEVE

The lesser of two evils.

66.

GLENN

Something like that.

STEVE

Here's hoping the lesser one wins.

GLENN

I suppose, you and I are never

going to like each other.

STEVE

Now that's a safe bet.

GLENN

I'd like to speak to Brenda alone.

Steve looks at Brenda who nods. STEVE and IRV EXIT leaving

Glenn and Brenda alone on stage.

GLENN (CONT'D)

We need to talk.

BRENDA

About what, Congressman?

GLENN

So formal?

He goes to embrace her, she moves away.

BRENDA

I prefer to keep our relationship

completely professional at this

point.

GLENN

Look, I know you're upset.

BRENDA

No, Glenn...Congressman. I just

think it would be better if you

practice what you preach...some

Family Values.

GLENN

I swear that woman didn't mean

anything to me.

BRENDA

I believe that.

GLENN

But you do.

67.

BRENDA

Me? What did I mean?

GLENN

Everything. You're the woman I

care about.

BRENDA

Please...

GLENN

You need me.

BRENDA

You're incredible.

GLENN

And if you think you can do

better...

BRENDA

And unbelievable...

GLENN

I'm you're man. You know it.

BRENDA

Oh, really?

BRENDA SINGS:

YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO BE MY MAN

THINK YOU'RE SMART, HOT AS A PISTOL

THINK YOU'RE SMOOTH, SLY AS A FOX

BUT YOU'RE JUST A PAPER TIGER

WITH A HEAD HARD AS A ROCK

I FELL FOR YOU HOOK LINE AND SINKER

PLAYED YOUR GAME, GAVE ALL I CAN

I SMELL A SKUNK AND YOU'RE A STINKER

YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO BE MY MAN

(Chorus)

DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO MORE EXCUSES

I FINALLY SEE YOU'RE REALLY USELESS

DON'T SAY YOU'RE DOIN' THE BEST YOU CAN

YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO BE MY MAN

A REAL MAN IS STRONG AND GENTLE

AND RIGHTLY KNOWS WHEN HE IS WRONG

YOU HAD YOUR WAY AT ANY COST NOW

BACK TO THE BULLPEN WHERE YOU BELONG

68.

YOU'RE THINKING YOU'RE REALLY SOMETHING BUDDY

A BIT TOO SPECIAL, ONE OF A KIND

AFRAID YOUR THINKING IS A LITTLE MUDDY

MOVE IT BOY TO THE BACK OF THE LINE

(Chorus)

DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO MORE EXCUSES

I FINALLY SEE YOU'RE REALLY USELESS

DON'T SAY YOU'RE DOIN' THE BEST YOU CAN

YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO BE MY MAN

YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE SOME KIND OF LOVER

YOU TOLD ME LIES ALL THE TIME

I WISH I HAD JUST RUN FOR COVER

I SHOULD HAVE READ BETWEEN THE LINES

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT THIS WAS COMING

YOU'VE DONE TO ME WHAT YOU'VE DONE BEFORE

THE BROKEN HEART EXPRESS IS RUNNING

BUT YOU AIN'T THE ENGINEER ANYMORE

(Chorus)

DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO MORE EXCUSES

FINALLY SEE YOU'RE REALLY USELESS

DON'T SAY YOU'RE DOIN' THE BEST YOU CAN

YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO BE MY

MAN ENOUGH TO BE...MAN ENOUGH TO BE MY MAN

She walks off the stage leaving a chastened Glenn standing

there embarrassed.

BLACK OUT.

Act II, Scene 5

CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS is bustling as it was in the first

scene. Instrumental: "WE'VE GOT A WINNER".

Steve and Brenda on the phone. In the midst of all this

activity sits Irv, calm as a cucumber, reading the newspaper.

STEVE

Have we heard anything yet?

IRV

Nope.

STEVE

Why not?

IRV

Because...

69.

STEVE

Because?

IRV

We haven't heard.

STEVE

(sarcastically)

You're a big help.

IRV

I know.

STEVE

The polls have already opened.

We've got to know. Gladys, you get

the field reports yet?

GLADYS

Coming.

Steve picks up a RINGING PHONE.

STEVE

Hello.....right. Make sure the ad

runs at least twice.

Gladys hands him a piece of paper.

GLADYS

Here you go.

STEVE

Thanks.

He looks it over, then down at his computer screen.

STEVE (CONT’D)

Damn. The Daily Express endorsed

Puffington in it's morning edition.

BRENDA (INTO PHONE)

Okay, thanks.

She hangs up, addresses Steve.

BRENDA (CONT'D)

The poll numbers are very volatile.

Over half the electorate hasn't

made up it's mind yet. They're

waiting to see the results of the

blood test.

70.

STEVE

When are we going to hear?

BRENDA

Any time.

STEVE

I've got to admit it, I'm a nervous

wreck.

BRENDA

Me, too.

STEVE

And to think, I actually want Glenn

Mann to win.

BRENDA

Me, too.

Steve notices a calm Irv, reading newspaper.

STEVE

Irv, what are you doing?

IRV

Contemplating the future.

STEVE

And what do you see?

IRV

The election is going to be decided

by the blood test.

STEVE

Everybody knows that.

IRV

It's so nice to be right.

STEVE

Shouldn't you be doing something?

IRV

Like what?

STEVE

I don't know, anything.

IRV

If Glenn Mann wins or he loses,

it's going to be because he

subscribed to a simple philosophy.

71.

STEVE

What's that, family values?

IRV

No, my friend, no. Glenn Mann

understands...

As IRV SINGS, he is pretending to be Glenn Mann. Brenda and

Steve sing as well, chiming in with their commentary, making

fun of their candidate.

WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

(Irv)

THINGS AREN'T AS BLEAK AS THEY SEEM

THE WORLD MAY BE GOING TO HELL

THERE'S ONLY ONE IMPORTANT THING

MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE DOING WELL

(Brenda)

I THOUGHT THE POLITICIAN WAS THE PUBLIC'S SERVANT

(Steve)

HE'S THERE TO SERVE THE PUBLIC ON A PLATTER

(Irv)

MY PHILOSOPHY IS QUITE SIMPLE

YOU SEE WHO LOST AND WHO WON

AND ONLY THEN YOU CAN TELL

WHO WAS LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE

(Irv; chorus)

POLLUTION IS DESTROYING THE PLANET

POPULATION IS CROWDING US OUT

THE FOOD WE EAT IS KILLING US

WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

(Steve)

MANN IS THE PERFECT CANDIDATE

KNOWS HOW TO HIT AND RUN

KNOWS HOW TO SELL HIMSELF

KNOWS HOW TO CON A CON

(Brenda)

PROMISES THE PUBLIC EVERYTHING

WHETHER OR NOT HE CAN DELIVER

HE APPEALS TO THE WORST IN US

HE'S BRINGING US ALL TOGETHER

(Irv)

YOU'RE ALL MISSING THE POINT

NONE OF THAT EVEN MATTERS

THERE'S ONLY ONE PRIORITY

AND THAT'S THE FELLOW IN THE MIRROR

72.

(Everyone; chorus)

WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT

LET THE OTHERS SCREAM AND SHOUT

MANN'S GOING TO WIN YOU'LL SEE

WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

POLLUTION IS DESTROYING THE PLANET

POPULATION IS CROWDING US OUT

THE FOOD WE EAT IS KILLING US

WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT

LET THE OTHERS SCREAM AND SHOUT

MANN'S GOING TO WIN YOU'LL SEE

WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

Everyone goes back to what they were doing...frantic activity

in the campaign headquarters.

STEVE

Have we heard anything yet about

the blood test?

BRENDA

Not a thing.

GLADYS

(to Steve)

Steve?

STEVE

Yeah.

GLADYS

How come, if you can't stand Glenn

Mann, you want him to win so bad?

STEVE

That's the beauty of politics.

Some people call it the lesser of

two evils...I call it the positive

choice between lousy and really

awful.

GLADYS

You mean it's like having to choose

between having a root canal or a

hernia operation?

73.

STEVE

That's it exactly.

GLADYS

I see. I'd rather have a root

canal myself.

She goes back to her work. Another PHONE RINGS and Brenda

answers.

BRENDA

Wait, everybody. They've got the

results of the blood test.

STEVE

Who's the daddy? Who's the daddy?

Brenda puts up her hand so she can hear what's being said.

Before she can register a reaction, we...BLACKOUT.

Act II, Scene 6

The TV comes on in the CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS once again

breaking the darkness on stage.

ON TV is a press conference. DARLENE ROBINSON holds her

little BABY in her arms as she addresses the press.

DARLENE

The results of the blood test, that

you've all been waiting for, I just

want to say, that Malcolm

Puffington put me up to this.

REPORTER #1

Are you saying...

DARLENE

I'm saying that this is Malcolm

Puffington's baby, just like the

blood test showed. Now I did sleep

with Congressman Mann, but this

isn't his baby. It's Malcolm

Puffington's.

Reporters SHOUT QUESTIONS at her until one is audible.

REPORTER #2

Let me get this straight. You

slept with both Congressman.

DARLENE

Yes. But I'm not promiscuous. I

want everybody to know that.

74.

REPORTER #3

How do we know you're telling the

truth about Congressman Mann. He

denies that the two of you had an

affair. The blood test would seem

to prove that.

DARLENE

Listen, I may not be a genius, but

I know who I slept with and who I

didn't.

ON TV we cut to NEWS ANCHOR.

NEWS ANCHOR

And moments later, Congressman

Puffington showed up.

ON TV and PUFFINGTON walking over to Darlene.

PUFFINGTON

Look, there's some kind of mistake

here. I don't know this woman.

DARLENE

Oh, Malki...

(to Reporters)

That's my nickname for him.

(to Malcolm)

Malki...I did the best I could, but

I just feel like I shouldn't be the

only one left out in the cold here.

Just then the BABY STARTS CRYING.

DARLENE (CONT'D)

And neither does this little boy.

Puffington whispers to her...but it's audible.

PUFFINGTON

I thought you said it wasn't mine.

DARLENE

I didn't think it was!

The TV shuts off. LIGHTS UP.

Act II, Scene 7

Everyone...Steve, Brenda, Glenn, Elaine, Irv, Gladys, the

rest of the Campaign Staff scurry around the stage as an

Instrumental Reprise of “We’ve Got A Winner” is INTERCUT

with DIALOGUE.

75.

Steve gets off the phone.

STEVE

(to everyone)

We're carrying Jackson City by a

two to one margin.

Irv looks at his computer screen.

IRV

Somerset County just came in.

We're winning there by twenty-five

thousand votes.

Brenda also gets off the phone.

BRENDA

We're beating ‘Malky’ Puffington in

his home district.

And at once they all say...

BRENDA, STEVE, IRV

LANDSLIDE!

All the Campaign Workers begin to CHEER!

MUSIC ENDS.

Reporters talk to Glenn and Elaine.

REPORTER #1

Congratulations, Congressman, or

should I say, Governor.

GLENN

I like the sound of that.

REPORTER #1

Do you think the charge by Darlene

Robinson about the affair with you

will affect your effectiveness as

Governor.

GLENN

Absolutely not, because it's proven

to be completely false. The blood

test proved that.

REPORTER #1

All the blood test proved was that

you weren't the father of the baby.

76.

GLENN

Uh, well..

ELAINE

(Interrupting)

I can assure, that whatever has

occurred in the past, whether it

were true or not, will not affect

the future. My husband and I

intend to work very closely

together to make this a better

state,...and I hope I can help him

in every way possible.

REPORTER #1

So, you don't believe the

allegations against him?

ELAINE

I don't believe my husband would do

anything to jeopardize his future

in politics, and I expect him to

live up to the family values he so

wonderfully expressed during the

campaign. I expect him to be home

every night in the governor's

mansion where I can help him do the

things that need to be done.

REPORTER #3

Sounds like both of you are going

to be Governor.

ELAINE

Glenn and I have always been a

team.

Glenn and Elaine hold hands and raise their hands to together

in victory.

GLENN

Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Good night, and God bless this

great state and the United States

of America.

Everyone clears the stage except for Steve and Brenda, both

smiling at what they just saw.

STEVE

Looks like we elected a Governor.

BRENDA

And her name is Elaine Mann.

77.

STEVE

I knew there was a reason why I

wanted him to win.

BRENDA

I just regret one thing.

STEVE

What's that?

BRENDA

That I was so naive to fall in love

with him.

STEVE

You weren't the only one.

BRENDA

But I was one.

The CELEBRATION begins. Glenn and Elaine shake all the

supporters hands, answer some more questions for the

reporters while the CAMPAIGN STAFF parties.

During the party Steve and Brenda move to the side of the

stage where they can talk.

STEVE

You loved him.

BRENDA

That makes me a fool.

STEVE

No, it doesn't. It's okay to let

yourself love somebody.

BRENDA

Before you said that it was naive

to believe anybody about anything,

particularly about love.

STEVE

Did I say that?

BRENDA

Huh, huh.

STEVE

Well, you see, uh,...can I amend

those remarks?

BRENDA

You might look naive.

78.

STEVE and BRENDA SING:

FOOL FOR LOVE

(Steve)

I'M A FOOL FOR LOVE

SOUNDS KIND OF FUNNY

FOR A GUY LIKE ME

WITH THAT NONCHALANT AIR

TO BELIEVE ENOUGH

IN THE BEST LIFE CAN OFFER

TO CONVINCE MYSELF

THAT I REALLY CARE

(Brenda)

I'M A FOOL FOR LOVE

BURNED ONCE TOO OFTEN

TO TRY AGAIN

WITHOUT ANY FEAR

AND I WANT TO KNOW

HAS LOVE EVER SPOKEN

TO ONE LIKE ME

SO THAT I CAN HEAR

(Steve and Brenda)

ABOUT LIFE AND LOVE

AND JOY AND LAUGHTER

WHEN IT'S SAID AND DONE

IT'S ALL WE'RE REALLY AFTER

(Brenda)

A FOOL FOR LOVE

DOESN'T NEED A REASON

NEVER STOPS BELIEVING

THE WONDER OF IT ALL

(Steve)

I'M A FOOL FOR LOVE

AND YES, I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES THAT

A FOOL FOR LOVE

ISN'T A FOOL AT ALL

(Brenda)

THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I LIED INSIDE

AND SAID THAT LOVE DIDN'T MATTER

(Steve)

THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I CRIED INSIDE

ALL THE WORLD HEARD WAS EMPTY LAUGHTER

79.

(Steve and Brenda)

A FOOL FOR LOVE

DOESN'T NEED A REASON

NEVER STOPS BELIEVING

THE WONDER OF IT ALL

(Brenda)

I'M A FOOL FOR LOVE

YES, I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES

(Steve)

NOT A FOOL FOR LOVE

FOR CRUEL ROMANCES

(Steve and Brenda)

I'M A FOOL FOR LOVE

I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES

A FOOL FOR LOVE

REALLY ISN'T A FOOL AT ALL

The two embrace and KISS PASSIONATELY.

Glenn looks at them jealously. Elaine gives him a dirty look

and he replies with a sheepish smile.

STEVE

I could use a good media director.

BRENDA

You could, huh?

STEVE

Yeah.

BRENDA

I'll have to think about it.

STEVE

Who said I was offering you the

job?

BRENDA

Who said I'd take it?

STEVE

Well, would you?

BRENDA

That depends.

STEVE

On?

80.

BRENDA

Whether or not I still respect you

in the morning.

Steve smiles and they KISS PASSIONATELY again.

EVERYONE SINGS:

WE'VE GOT A WINNER (Reprise)

THERE'S A MAN WHO'S OUR MAN HE'S THE MAN

THERE'S A GUY WHO'S NEVER LIED ON OUR SIDE

THERE'S A WAY LET ME SAY FOR A BETTER DAY

WE'VE GOT A WINNER

MANN YOU BET HE CAN HE REALLY CAN

AND HE IS SMART, OH, SO SMART AND GOT A HEART

A FAMILY MAN WITH A PLAN AN AMERICAN

WE'VE GOT A WINNER

HE IS TRULY QUITE STUPENDOUS

AS WELL AS SENSATIONAL AND MARVELOUS

A HANDSOME BALL OF CHARISMA

SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST BORN WITH

THAT SPECIAL QUALITY

THE MAN WHO STANDS OUT AND VOTERS LOVE

THERE'S A GUY WHO'S OUR GUY YOU ASK WHY

HE'S THE BEST PASSED THE TEST AND NEVER RESTS

HE'S THE ONE THE ONLY ONE HE'S OUR FAVORITE SON

WE'VE GOT A WINNER

WE WON!

END OF ACT II

THE END

81.